For as long as I can remember, I have hated being photographed. Somewhere, there exists a photo of 4-year-old me sobbing my eyes out at a portrait studio. I have done a fine job of hiding in the back row, sneaking off to the bathroom, or just saying no when it comes to group photos; the invisible woman.
I was raised with the “children are meant to be seen and not heard” parenting style; being an overachiever, I took it a step further and did all I could to be inconspicuous, inconsequential, and insignificant (how about that alliteration). I worked hard to not take up too much space, to redirect attention to someone else, to not “outshine” anyone (especially men), and not be too much. I succeeded for a very long time; some were convinced that I was shy and extremely introverted. If you know me, you know this is not the case at all.
I cannot pinpoint when things changed; it was a slow progression. In my mid-20’s, in addition to my first corporate job, I started working a part-time, evening job in men’s retail; I developed a bit of a dramatic flair when creating wardrobe capsules for the customers (I was a pro at men’s mix-n-match and could mark-up a suit with just the right break). In my late 20’s and early 30’s, I moved away from menswear and into the glamorous world of retail cosmetics. Working in the cosmetics industry was a dream come true; I left my office job for a full-time position working for a French company. When one works in the world of cosmetics, one’s ability to turn on the dramatic flair becomes an art form….and one also develops a fondness for wearing black. In my mid-30’s, I left the not-so-glamorous (the stories I could tell) world of cosmetics to return to an office job. It was during this period that I developed a love of public speaking. I used to drop courses in college that required any kind of presentation. Who had I become?
If you have read the post entitled “I’m A Dancer…What’s Your Superpower?”, then you know that I love to dance. I have performed in a handful of showcases and danced in 3 competitions, thus far. During the competition, multiple photographers and videographers move around the floor capturing the dancers; I never liked the images that they captured of me. I can speak to a large or small crowd, in person or via video. I can dance in front of people I know and in front of a ballroom full of strangers. And yet having my photo taken has always been intolerable.
That all changed on June 24, 2019. I reluctantly set up an appointment for a professional photo shoot. My headshot was over 5 years old; it was time for a new one. Choosing a photographer was a Goldilocks adventure; one didn’t return an email, one took up way too much of my time trying to sell me on a “life-changing” experience, and the one I ended up choosing was just right.
Kaysha Weiner is an incredible photographer. I had so much fun HAVING MY PICTURE TAKEN (yes, I am shouting…more out of celebration than at you, dear reader). Kaysha is kind, patient, and funny, which made for a very relaxed day. I am so pleased with the results from the photo shoot that I plan to work with her again soon.
I am quite comfortable, now, with being heard, taking up space, and being seen; living an authentic and fulfilled life. It is quite liberating to be true to oneself. Judy Garland advised, “Always be a first rate version of yourself and not a second rate version of someone else.”
How about you? Are you living someone’s version of who you should be? Are limiting beliefs holding you back from leading the life you desire?
Click those ruby slippers together 3 times and remember what Glinda the Good Witch said, “You had the power all along, dear.”
Baum, L. F. (1900). The wonderful wizard of oz. Chicago, IL: George M. Hill Company.
